Let's get to know each other.
My dad loved telling me to get back on that horse.
I wonder if he knew that every time he said it, I imagined myself splayed out in the dirt, staring up at a personal behemoth only I knew the shape of. I never stopped trying, but I got lost in it.
He couldn't have known then that his words would become the engine behind everything I've built since.
Turns out, he was right. I just needed a different horse.
I'd be admitted into prestigious programs and schools, impressing admissions counselors with my sharp perception and barely restrained inquisitive intensity, only to perplex them later with my inattention.
I heard some version of "She just doesn't seem invested in her learning" all through high school.
Black girls are the most underdiagnosed group of neurodivergent kids in the US. Because when the world already expects you to underperform, teachers rarely think to look deeper when you start to flounder.
If you're a little Black girl, your brilliance is an anomaly, and your struggles are confirmation bias.
It was stumbling across webcomics like Hyperbole and a Half that sent me down a path of inquiry which ultimately led to my diagnosis of Attention Deficit Disorder at the age of 33.
What It Cost
Having ADHD in a world that's always giving us more things to do, manage, check off, and maintain is like trying to ice skate uphill while balancing a silver platter full of marbles.
I've been trying to get up that hill for nearly 40 years. Only in the last six have I actually known why it cost so much energy just to keep my head above water.
Jobs didn't last, and progress slipped through my fingers while I watched peers pass milestone after milestone. The sense that I was different, that something was just off with me, hardened into a deep shame.
I was almost deployed as a Peace Corps volunteer twice. I applied to two graduate programs. Every opportunity I walked away from, I didn't know why I couldn't. I just knew it felt impossible.
Once I understood how my brain actually works...
The question stopped being "Why do I struggle?" and became "What kind of systems actually work for someone like me?"
So I stopped trying to force myself into other people's systems, and I started designing my own.
This is why I built a weekly goal relay, not another productivity tracker.
I embraced remote gig work, which gave me the freedom to live in the woods for a year, immersing myself in the world of herbs, and finally to leave the United States altogether.
I moved to Mexico with my cat, Juju, and signed a lease on a house that was perfect for us.
Juju, enjoying our new life in Mexico.
Once I made it here, I became fiercely protective of the life I was building. That meant becoming a resident, which meant I needed to earn more money than I have ever earned working a conventional job.
What I Built
I built Payday Relay because I needed to cultivate a different kind of relationship with earning money. I needed a way to feel the rewards of showing up without sacrificing the freedom that comes with being my own boss.
Traditional jobs gave predictable pay, but cost me my equilibrium. No fixed schedule or fixed pay gave me flexibility, but no traction. I'd work in these intense bursts, then crash, then panic, then avoid looking at my numbers because they felt like a report card I had already failed.
I wanted something that could:
- ✓Turn "I should be working" into clarity with a goal
- ✓Give my brain little dopamine hits of satisfaction for making progress
- ✓Still leave me in charge of when and how I got work done
So I started playing with this idea of a weekly relay: one number for the week, passed from me-now to me-later. A relay race, with myself.
Now It's Your Turn
If any of this resonates (the stop-start cycles, the money shame, the love-hate relationship with freedom) I'm guessing you know a thing or two about getting "back on the horse."
What I've learned is that sometimes the work isn't getting back on the same horse. Sometimes the work is admitting the horse was never built for you and building something else to ride.
You deserve a way of earning and planning that doesn't feel like evidence against you.
Find your weekly relay